Season notes: traumatized people people triggering each other, abuse, torture, fictional slavery, con noncon*, (attempted) blackmail,

Mattin was tired of failing. Brit would tell him he was wallowing, and he knew it. But every time he seemed to be making progress, doing better, he’d lose control and screw up again.

And he couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before Jahlene grew tired of it…

No. Mattin straightened as he strode down the gilded and carpeted halls of the fae palace. He would not think that way. Yes, he’d struggled, but he had still made it here. He had /seen/ Marta and knew she was whole. They had a plan to rescue her.

He just needed to see it through.

Mattin was so intent on his thoughts he ran into someone coming the other way. They bounced off him, a startled ‘oof’ escaping as they stumbled backward. Mattin put a hand out to steady them, and only then realized who it was—Marta.

“My God, Mattin!”

She collapsed against him and he grabbed hold of her, not sure who was holding who up. “Marta! Thank God, thank God you’re alive.”

“Mattin what happened! How did you… You were supposed to be safe!”

The babble of their voices talking over each other startled Mattin into laughing. He shook his head, “Marta, it’s okay. I’m okay. It’s… Not what you think. I struck a bargain. I’m safe. I promise you. I am safe.”

Marta shook her head, her eyes glittering, “No one is safe, Mattin. I was so stupid, and you were right, and… and… and…”

“It’s okay. I promise Marta. I have…” He looked around, the corridor was empty. He pulled Marta into a corner and lowered his voice. “I’m going to get you out of here, okay? I’m going to get you away from him. You’ll be safe, you’ll be free. I promise. That’s why I’m here. I promised, remember?”

Something flickered in her eyes, a look that almost reminded him of Jahlene, then she shuddered and blinked away tears. “No, Mattin. Please.” Her voice shook. “You can’t. I don’t want you to get hurt. Why, why didn’t you stay safe?”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay.” He hugged her, looking over her head to watch for anyone else appearing in the hallway. “Please, please trust me. Just…just act like nothing has changed. I promise, in a few more days everything will be okay.”

She pulled away, Mattin wanted to hold on to her, to race with her back to Jahlene and safety. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. “Please stop, Mattin. You’ll only get yourself hurt.” Before he could reassure her again, she pulled away, “I… I can’t talk, I can’t, I have to get back.” Again, that flash of something in her eyes, gone in an instant. “If he finds out… I… I…” She turned and fled down the corridor.

Mattin watched her go and shivered as he held back the wracking sobs that wanted to rip through his body.

After a moment, he gathered himself together. He thanked God and the fae’s Dannu that the corridor had been empty while they talked. He cursed his lack of control—he had needed to reassure her, but he could have ruined everything!

Jahlene had good reason to mistrust him. Shaking his head, he continued to the kitchen, praying with each step that he wouldn’t screw up again.

As Mattin focused on his own failings, he forgot about Marta’s odd reactions. If he had thought of them, he would have thought he imagined them. Or they were the result of the trauma Marta was suffering.

---

Jahlene buried her face in her hands and reminded herself that misunderstandings /happened./ That whatever she had said or done to upset Mattin could be fixed… if only she knew how.

With a sigh, she went back to her paperwork. As well organized as Mattin had it, she could finish well before she usually retired. Maybe then they could talk.

She was well into it when Mattin returned from the kitchens. As soon as he came close, she tasted his fear and shame. His desperation. Jahlene immediately cleared away her work and was able to give him her full attention when he came straight to her desk and knelt next to her,

“Mattin? What happened? Are you alright? Don’t bother with the silent bit, please.”

“Lady.” He looked up at her, and the devastation in his eyes matched the horror of his emotions. “Lady, I may have ruined everything.”

What in Dannu’s… “Tell me, Mattin. We will find a way to set it right.”

He told her about running into his sister, and what he had said. Jahlene couldn’t help a strong sense of relief as she understood.

“You didn’t ruin anything, Mattin,” she said. She reached out the squeeze his shoulder, remembering too late that he would not welcome her touch. But he didn’t pull away. Almost, it seemed he leaned into it.

“Lady?”

“Do you think your sister will tell Oeloff that she met you?”

He shook his head, “No, she was worried for me. Told me to stop trying to help her.”

Jahlene wondered for a moment, as she had when she first met Mattin, if he might not do better to heed his sister’s wishes. But it seemed clear Marta was seeking to protect Mattin, and staying with Oeloff was a death sentence for a human. A slow and painful one, usually.

“And Oeloff will not ask,” she said, “He will blackmail a slave belonging to someone else, but his sort will not demean themselves to ask questions of their own slaves.”

Mattin took a long, slow breath. Then another. Jahlene recognized one of Brit’s training techniques and breathed with him.

“I still lost control again. If anyone had heard me…”

“It would have been bad. But no one did. And Mattin…” Damn it, she still didn’t know what she had said wrong before, but she had to try… “Mattin, you bested /Falthro/, who has sent lords of the court 20 times your age into gibbering fits. You faced down Oeloff in full court.” She tried to let her pride show in her voice, afraid of how he might react if she spoke it aloud. “You have not failed. /We/ failed, all of us, in not planning for Marta to be here.”

Mattin sat silent for a moment. Jahlene tried to make sense of the emotions she tasted, but they were confused and confusing. “You said you had expected me to lose control.”

“With Oeloff waving Marta around, yes. Mattin, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be shaken by that. If it was Brit… If I had to watch Brit go through that again, I wouldn’t have been able to stay calm and leave the room. I’d have torn Oeleff to pieces and gotten both of us killed.

“You didn’t fail. We just need to change our plans.”

“Oh.”

She gave his shoulder another squeeze and pulled back, not wanting to crowd him.

“Now, off with you. If I can get through a bit more of this paperwork, I can go to bed early, for once. For that, I will owe you a great deal.”

Mattin smiled as he stood. It wasn’t much of a smile, but it was a smile.

---