Season notes: traumatized people people triggering each other, abuse, torture, fictional slavery, con noncon*, (attempted) blackmail
They attended two more luohei glamour during the final weeks of the court season. One showcased Falthro’s talents. The lord had a reputation for skill and originality in the glamourhame. To Mattin’s surprise and relief, the flamboyant lord did not simply torture his victims. Instead, he announced his intention to display for the court some unique traiglamour—whatever those were. He then used his glamour to force his slaves to torment and pleasure each other. It wasn’t easy to watch, but in the end, all four victims walked out of the glamourhame on their own feet—injured and traumatized, but alive and sure to remain so.
Mattin threw up when he realized he had been relieved to witness rapes and floggings. And yet, compared to what could have happened…
During the third luohei glamour, Mattin came to a decision. He once again stood at Jahlene’s shoulder. Her height and the fact that she kept towards the back of the room, protected him from seeing most of the display. Nothing protected him from the screams and pleas, the scent of blood… He needed a distraction. Staring at Jahlene, he realized he no longer thought of her as “the lady.” Since arriving at court, he had been surrounded by the lords and ladies of the fae empire. He had come to detest calling the female he served and cared for by the same title as the nobles he feared and despised.
He still wasn’t comfortable thinking of her as his mistress. She didn’t want him to call her ‘Mistress’; she didn’t want to be hurt by his discomfort. He knew his feelings still hurt her: knew it and hated it. He wanted to avoid adding to her pain, so he would continue calling her lady when he spoke. But whether he liked it or not (and he still didn’t know), she was his mistress. He needed to start acknowledging it, even if only in his own thoughts.
The decision, and the thoughts it led to, gave him a handhold to cling to until the entertainment ended.
Later, Jahlene wished she hadn’t closed her senses to Mattin during the exhibitions. Something had changed in him, but she had no idea what. Within the court, his emotions took on a protective tinge, as if he guarded her against offense or attack. Yet within her suite, away from the press of people, she still tasted his fear. She tried to put it down to concern for his sister, who was recovering from her ordeal. But she wondered and worried.
Mattin was indeed concerned for his sister. But perhaps not for the reason Jahlene thought. After the first ‘demonstration’, Marta had asked him about it. He told her as little as he could, but it was clear that knowing what happened and that he had witnessed it disturbed her. So after Lord Falthro’s demonstration, Mattin sought to reassure her, telling her how different Falthro’s approach was. He couldn’t say how he expected her to react, but something about the way she asked questions, the look in her eyes… disturbed him.
He pushed the worries aside. After what she had endured, of course, Marta wasn’t reacting the way she used to. Mattin was foolish to expect otherwise.
Mattin did think about bringing up the oddness to Parlen or Jahlene. They had more experience than he did, after all. They might have been able to tell him if there was a problem. But he wasn’t willing to betray his sister’s trust. Especially when she still avoided Jahlene.
“All she tastes of is fear,” Jahlene said once. “Hopefully, it’s only that I don’t know her well enough. But her trauma must run deep.”
Mattin had done his best to split his time between his duties and his sister. It left him with little time to rest and none to talk with Jahlene about his new understanding and the feelings he was no longer hiding from.
Hopefully, when they returned home he’d be able to find some peace. Many at the manor had stated their willingness to support Marta through her recovery. He especially looked forward to introducing Marta to Eloise.
The winter was drawing to a close and the court season with it. They had more or less managed to avoid Oeloff since Marta had come to them, but sometimes Mattin had caught the lord watching him or Jahlene. It sent chills down his spine. They may have won this round, but it wasn’t over.
And, he realized, neither was his part in it. The bargain he had made in desperation had become something more. Even if Jahlene sent him away again, he would still do everything he could to stand by her. He was as committed to his mistress’ wellbeing as to his sister’s. It could have been a frightening thought but was actually reassuring. After all Jahlene had done for him and Marta, Mattin knew she would stand by him. It was a solid, reassuring feeling. One he’d never had before.
At the first sign of spring, Dannu’s Voice led a New Year’s ceremony for the fae, calling on Dannu to bless her children. Jahlene attended alone, with far more pleasure than she had any other event of the season. And because it meant she could go home.
Within the sacred grove, she felt Dannu’s presence and blessing. Sometimes she imagined it was what a mother’s love felt like. It warmed her heart and tasted like savory-sweet.
When the ritual finished, the court season was over. Relief flavored the palace as everyone packed to leave. Three months of politics was enough, and more than enough. Even Marta relaxed as they left behind the great gathering of the fae.
Only Mattin felt any reluctance to leave. With court over, he remembered too well what did — or rather, didn’t — await him. He would be sent to the kitchen, or perhaps the stables, and lose what connection he had begun rebuilding with Jahlene. He accepted it, knowing she was trying to protect them both. But he hoped, in the years to come, he would re-earn a place closer to her.
In spite of the spring snow melt, travel was generally pleasant. The muddy roads slowed them down, but there was no rush, and Jahlene set an easy pace. Mattin spent part of each day riding in the carriage with Jahlene and part walking with Marta.
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