Season Content notes: (explicit) sex

About two days before planetfall, Zdenko began preparing for the docking. He triple-checked the manifests with Skullfire, got everyone back on assigned watches, and became largely unavailable making sure to check every last detail of ship function at least four times. Thankfully, the run-up to hitting atmosphere gave him something to do. Sure, sharing spacer stories with the students was fun, but that didn’t help him run the ship.

Still, none of it took his mind off the emptiness in his head and dick. Not completely empty at this point. He could probably use a jerking-off, but he didn’t feel the need to rely on anyone else for help with that.

The day before planetfall, he made the rounds again. When he reached cargo to check in with Skullfire, she caught him off guard by setting aside her tablet. “Captain, this is the fifth time you’ve been here to check the manifests. What’s wrong? We’ve all noticed.”

He frowned. No one else hung around the cargo hold, so he could, maybe, talk about everything. “I guess the cargo check can wait-“

“A fifth one is unnecessary, yes.”

Zdenko sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do without that…that thing in my brain.”

“Have you considered picking up a hobby? Perhaps a goal beyond survival? For hell’s sake, find something you actually like and enjoy.” Skullfire leaned against the wall, tail swishing back and forth in agitation.

“Hey, I enjoy having the kids on board. It’s not like I don’t have hobbies, either.”

“Name one.”

He couldn’t. The captain turned on his heel and stalked out. In reality, the docking preparations didn’t have to start till today, and he’d gone through everything at least twice yesterday. Damn it, Skullfire was right. He needed a hobby.

Zdenko let his feet carry him toward the ship’s common room. When he opened the door, he found himself face to face with Moira’s glare. She stood straight, arms crossed. He froze. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi.” She continued to stare into his very soul.

His mind tumbled over itself. Thoughts of her, of the great sex, of what he’d done, was doing all tumbled past too fast to catch. It made words impossible.

Moira broke the silence with a statement that came out as a demand. “You’ve been pretty busy the last few days.”

“Getting ready for planetfall.” He shrugged, hoping to get out of this conversation.

She raised an eyebrow. “It’s almost like you forget I spent nearly three years on this ship.”

He winced. “I… yeah… sorry…” How was he supposed to put words together around her right now? “Not forgot! I mean… ah fuck…”

Moira continued to search every last crack in his soul as he stammered over something unintelligible.

Finally, he tried for what she probably wanted. “I…can…can we…talk?” Not an idea he liked, but a necessary one.

She raised her other eyebrow to join the first. “I’m not the one who’s been hiding for three weeks.”

He couldn’t look at her. What could he say for himself? The door from crew quarters, and Ezra froze before backing out slowly and closing the door behind himself. Zdenko frowned. “I’m fucking up this whole second chance thing, aren’t I?”

“That’s one way to put it.” Moira’s breath caught in her throat. “I thought we had already discussed how harmful shunning is.”

Shunning. He hadn’t meant to, but she’d taken his avoidance as shunning. Fuck all the supernovas in the universe. “Yeah… yeah… we did…” He scuffed the floor with his boot. “I… I’m sorry…”

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes as she spoke. “I’ve tried to… be patient. Susie did warn me you’d have a rough transition, and that it would take time for you to be… comfortable with yourself again. But why does that require avoiding /me/?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, shoulders slumped. He had an answer. But was it good enough? “Because… everything I did to you… and even after… I still want you. And I don’t understand it. I’m kinda shit at handling – what did you call it – emotional stuff?”

“You are. You really, really are.”

He shrugged and nodded. What else could be said? It wasn’t as though the parasite had given him a chance to learn all this heart-to-heart shit.

She brought her hands up to rub at her forehead. “So… what now?”

After a short silence, he found the words he didn’t want to say but probably needed to. “I don’t know. I don’t want to get in the way, and I can’t ask you for–” Zdenko cut himself off. How the hell did she always do this to him?

“For what?” Stars and hell, he’d missed that gentleness in her voice.

“I want you.” Leaving it at that would be a huge mistake, probably. “It’s not like before. But asking would be wrong because you couldn’t say no for so long…”

That sigh washed over him like freshwater planetside. “You do? Still want me? … I was starting to wonder…” she trailed off.

“Yeah. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

That earned him a facepalm. “Zdenko–” She cut herself off and took a deep breath. “No. No, you have your scars too. Fine.” Moira reached out and hooked a finger in his belt. “We’ll do it this way. Because I am done waiting.” Without another word, she dragged him to his (their) bedroom. The shock didn’t wear off until they were behind closed doors, and she pressed her lips to his in a heavy, desperate kiss. It didn’t take long for him to relax and wrap his hands around her waist.

That only lasted seconds as she tugged his shirt out of its tuck and worked it off. Those soft hands moved up and down his chest, deliberately teasing at spots he never realized she’d learned. His breath caught, then became more ragged as she undid his belt and pushed him onto the bed. He didn’t realize she’d worked off his pants until her tongue flicked across his slit and her mouth closed over his head and shaft. Was this what sex was supposed to feel like? Zdenko let himself fade into the world of sensation Moira offered him, drifting in tides of desire and ecstasy.

She took him to the edge, then backed off before he came, taking the time to strip herself as he groaned and reached for her. That smile. Had he ever seen her smile like that?

Zdenko dropped his hand to the bed as she slid her opening onto his hard shaft. Wet, tighter than she used to be, and so, so wonderful. This time, she brought him all the way past the brink and left him weak, breathless, and grinning. She curled up next to him, and he managed to pull the blanket over them to keep them warm. Just like three weeks ago, no rebound hard-on came to ruin this moment. She wanted him, and he wanted her, and for a brief moment, all was right in the universe.

---