Season content notes: (internalized) ableism

The next day, Lefeng and the Spinner near-adult head out on the trail. Lefeng was surprised to find that ey had almost no knowledge of plant life. Ey was also completely uninterested in plant life until Lefeng connected it to animals — what different animals eat, use to make nests, etc. But ey learned quickly, kept up well on the walk — though Lefeng kept an easy pace — and helped with setting up camp each night. The near adult was less verbal than Kyawtchais and relied a lot more on hand signs. But ey clearly understood everything that Lefeng said and had eir own way of communicating.

The few days on the trail were bittersweet for Lefeng. Ey had missed the mountains, almost as much as ey had missed eir family. When it was time to return to the city, ey resented it, wanting to stay within the green canopy that was eir heart-home for as long as ey could remember.

And yet… when they came into view of the city, some part of eir was excited, eager to return. Ey had missed the compound, Kolchais and Paiokp, and the others of eir new family.

The conflicting currents pulled eir thoughts this way and that, and it was a relief to meet the Silent Spinners and set emotion aside in favor of the action. The near-adult had impressed Lefeng with eir knowledge of anything related to eir beloved animals. Lefeng was appalled by the lacks in eir education. As far as Lefeng was concerned, the near-adult would be an asset to any far-walking family willing to properly teach em. But… Lefeng had real worries about the youngster marrying out to this particular group of farwalkers.

---

With the near-adult returned to eir family, Lefeng went to speak with the far-walkers. Ey had pledged to try, and ey had several ideas for how the near-adult could contribute to a good family. Ey could be the main tracking teacher for younglings, or identify good places for trap lines. Hunts often went better if someone went out and tracked the trails and grounds of the local animals tracking animals before a hunt. And hands were always needed to help gather plants and tan hides. Perhaps the family just needed help finding new trails.

Eir hopes were in vain. The High Mountain farwalkers had been poisoned by the city, stagnant and still. They rebuffed Lefeng’s suggestion and laughed at the idea that anyone who could not hunt could be useful. The near-adult was a fool, they said, with a talent for tracking. Ey couldn’t even talk.

Lefeng left in a rage. Ey was so angry that ey didn’t notice the strange near-adult following em until ey was halfway across the city.

When ey finally did, Lefeng reluctantly stopped and waited for the stranger to catch up.

“I am a near adult of the High Mountain farwalkers, please, may we speak?”

Lefeng sighs, “I am a near adult of the new family, once last of the LongStride farwalkers. You wish?”

“I wish to offer you a drink by the fire.”

After a moment, Lefeng nods, “Lead on.”

The High Mountain led Lefeng to one of the places that served travelers to the city and the familyless. The hospitality family didn’t have wineskins, but the High Mountain was able to buy a large bowl of wine. When they sit, Lefeng takes a large drink from the bowl before passing it to the High Mountain, indicating ey would only listen for a short time.

“I and one of my siblings have close-bonded with the Silent Spinner,” the High Mountain said, words tumbling over each other. “Our seniors will never approve the marriage, so it will not happen. My sibling and I think there is another way. We have approached the Trackless Path farwalkers.”

Lefeng started at the name, choking on the wine ey had been drinking. “Trackless Path?”

“Yes.” The High Mountain nodded. “They only settled in the city a few hands of years ago, but we’ve seen them and spent time with them in the winter gatherings. If you know them, you know they are respected well. They have said we may court them, my sibling and I, when they return from the trails next spring.”

Lefeng drained the last of the wine and set the bowl aside. “My grandparent married out from the Trackless Path. I will pay my respects to them later today.” Off balance, and feeling vulnerable, ey left.

---

Instead of returning to the compound, Lefeng wandered the city, using movement to bring sense to eir thoughts and feelings — or trying to. It didn’t help much, and in the end, ey decided to go ahead and visit the TracklessPath family right away.

Most of the adults of the family were on the trail, but the elders and grandparents greeted Lefeng warmly and named eir ‘distant-child’. Some of eir grandparent’s siblings were still alive, but all of them expressed sorrow and support for Lefeng.

It was a long visit and a comforting one. To be surrounded by a familiar home and familiar speech and offered familiar foods. They asked many questions about how Lefeng had come to the city and what ey was doing there. Lefeng explained about finding eir child on the trail and meeting the once-fisher. How they came to the city and met the once-weaver and eir heart-child. Their quest to gain a place in the city. The Trackless Path elders were pleased for em, but also concerned. “You’ve done well, distant-child,” one of eir grandparent’s siblings said. “But it’s hard for grandparents to give up the trails, never mind a near-adult full of energy and dreams.”

Lefeng nodded, “It has… been hard. I recently spent a few days on the trail, and it ripped me open to return to the city so soon. But I was doing a favor for our allies. In fact, I was hoping you might have some advice for me.” Then Ey laid out the near-adult SilentSpinner’s situation and the disgraceful conduct of High Mountain.

The TracklessPath grandparents and elders weren’t surprised. “I told the young ones,” one says, “that the HighMountain aren’t far-walkers anymore. They are a hunting family that sometimes takes the trails. Not the same, not the same at all…”

“We’ve had a near-adult from HighMountain coming around recently. Normally we wouldn’t accept a High Mountain, they’ve forgotten too much. But if you met with a long-haired HighMountain with a big chest, pert nose, and too much sass?”

“That sounds like em,” Lefeng agreed.

“Then maybe we’ll tell the near-adults to give em a listen,” the eldest said, “and maybe you can tell this Spinner child to stop by and pay eir respects.”

“Of course, the grandchildren would listen to their parents’ and grandparents’ wisdom,” another says with a wink, “but it’s the grandchildren’s future after all. We can make no promises.”

Lefeng agreed, of course. Ey was getting ready to take eir leave, when one of the grandparents, whose crooked smile and bright eyes reminded Lefeng painfully of eir own grandparent, put a hand on Lefeng’s knee. “My sibling would be proud, distant-child. You’ve survived a grief that would destroy most and made a new life for yourself. But city ways are hard, and no place for a mountain child. If you wish, there can be a place for /you/ here too.”

Lefeng’s breath caught. Ey looked up to hide the tears that tried to fill eir eyes. After a moment, ey gained control of emself and said, “Thank you. I will… I will remember.”

Lefeng left quickly after that.

By then, it was late. But Lefeng couldn’t stand the idea of dragging the matter and its disruptions out another day. Ey told Kyawtchais and eir parent that under no circumstances should they seek a marriage with the HighMountain family. Ey would fear for the safety of Kyawtchais’ sibling if the match were accepted. Lefeng suggested that the SilentSpinner near-adult might do better seeking a match with the TracklessPath family. Ey also let them know that a few of the HighMountain near-adults who spoke well of the SilentSpinner are already doing so.

After leaving the Spinners, having discharged eir last duty, Lefeng wandered the city, not caring where ey went. Ey isn’t seeing the city around em. Ey was seeing the mountain trail with eir family spread out before and behind em. The great spring gathering, when the families came together to feast and sing and court and celebrate being alive. Hearing voices speaking eir dialect, not this harsh city speech that hurt the ears, each person louder than the last to be heard over the noise of their giant hive.

Ey could do it. Could accept the Trackless Path’s invitation, get back… not everything ey had lost to the great wave, but at least part of it, the only part that remained.

But the more ey thought about it, the harder it was to picture. Ey wouldn’t be on the trail with eir family but with strangers. And when ey thought of being in the mountain night, watching the stars, it was Kolchais ey thought of being beside em. And Paiokp’s voice singing that silly fishing song. Tsouchm laughing with that sudden burst that always sounded like ey was surprised to /be/ laughing. Chotaikytsai wearing eir cape, wrapped in the skin of the great cat…

Chestef, holding eir hand as they worked a wattle withe through the posts, building their new home together, just as the farwalker families did each spring…

Without realizing it, eir feet had taken em back to the compound. It was late, Chotaikytsai would have dinner ready, the family would be gathered round the fire… Ey slipped through the gate, closing it quietly behind em. Of course, no one was alert for intruders, ey thought shaking eir head.

Kolchais looked up and smiled as Lefeng squatted down by the fire. Paiokp frowned and said, “Are you okay? You look tired.”

Lefeng took a bite of the flatbread Chotaikytsai handed em and sighed, the once-strange taste was now familiar and comforting after a long day. “It’s good to be home.”
The next day, Lefeng and the Spinner near-adult head out on the trail. Lefeng was surprised to find that ey had almost no knowledge of plant life. Ey was also completely uninterested in plant life until Lefeng connected it to animals — what different animals eat, use to make nests, etc. But ey learned quickly, kept up well on the walk — though Lefeng kept an easy pace — and helped with setting up camp each night. The near adult was less verbal than Kyawtchais and relied a lot more on hand signs. But ey clearly understood everything that Lefeng said and had eir own way of communicating.

The few days on the trail were bittersweet for Lefeng. Ey had missed the mountains, almost as much as ey had missed eir family. When it was time to return to the city, ey resented it, wanting to stay within the green canopy that was eir heart-home for as long as ey could remember.

And yet… when they came into view of the city, some part of eir was excited, eager to return. Ey had missed the compound, Kolchais and Paiokp, and the others of eir new family.

The conflicting currents pulled eir thoughts this way and that, and it was a relief to meet the Silent Spinners and set emotion aside in favor of the action. The near-adult had impressed Lefeng with eir knowledge of anything related to eir beloved animals. Lefeng was appalled by the lacks in eir education. As far as Lefeng was concerned, the near-adult would be an asset to any far-walking family willing to properly teach em. But… Lefeng had real worries about the youngster marrying out to this particular group of farwalkers.

The next day, Lefeng went to speak with the far-walkers. Ey had real concerns already but had pledged to try. And ey had several ideas for how the near-adult could contribute. Ey could be the main tracking teacher for younglings, or identify good places for trap lines. Hunts often went better if someone went out and tracked the trails and grounds of the local animals tracking animals before a hunt. And hands were always needed to help gather plants and tan hides. Perhaps the family needed help finding new trails.

Eir hopes were in vain. The High Mountain farwalkers had been poisoned by the city, stagnant and still. They rebuffed Lefeng’s suggestion and laughed at the idea that anyone who could not hunt could be useful. The near-adult was a fool, they said, with a talent for tracking. Ey couldn’t even talk.

Lefeng left in a rage. Ey was so angry that ey didn’t notice the strange near-adult following em until ey was halfway across the city.

When ey finally did, Lefeng reluctantly stopped and waited for the stranger to catch up.

“I am a near adult of the High Mountain farwalkers, please, may we speak?”

Lefeng sighs, “I am a near adult of the new family, once last of the LongStride farwalkers. You wish?”

“I wish to offer you a drink by the fire.”

After a moment, Lefeng nods, “Lead on.”

The High Mountain leads Lefeng to one of the places that serve travelers to the city and the familyless. The hospitality family doesn’t have wineskins, but the High Mountain was able to buy a large bowl of wine. When they sit, Lefeng takes a large drink from the bowl before passing it to the High Mountain, indicating ey would only listen for a short time.

“I and one of my siblings have close-bonded with the Silent Spinner,” the High Mountain said, words tumbling over each other. “Our seniors will never approve the marriage, so it will not happen. My sibling and I think there is another way. We have approached the Trackless Path farwalkers.”

Lefeng started at the name, choking on the wine ey had been drinking. “Trackless Path?”

“Yes.” The High Mountain nodded. “They only settled in the city a few hands of years ago, but we’ve seen them and spent time with them in the winter gatherings. If you know them, you know they are respected well. They have said we may court them, my sibling and I, when they return from the trails next spring.”

Lefeng drained the last of the wine and set the bowl aside. “My grandparent married out from the Trackless Path. I will pay my respects to them later today.” Off balance, and feeling vulnerable, ey left.

Instead of returning to the compound, Lefeng wandered the city, using movement to bring sense to eir thoughts and feelings — or trying to. It didn’t help much, and in the end, ey decided to go ahead and visit the TracklessPath family right away.

Most of the adults of the family were on the trail, but the elders and grandparents greeted Lefeng warmly and named eir ‘distant-child’. Some of eir grandparent’s siblings were still alive, but all of them expressed sorrow and support for Lefeng.

It was a long visit and a comforting one. To be surrounded by a familiar home and familiar speech and offered familiar foods. They asked many questions about how Lefeng had come to the city and what ey was doing there. Lefeng explained about finding eir child on the trail and meeting the once-fisher. How they came to the city and met the once-weaver and eir heart-child. Their quest to gain a place in the city. The Trackless Path elders were pleased for em, but also concerned. “You’ve done well, distant-child,” one of eir grandparent’s siblings said. “But it’s hard for grandparents to give up the trails, never mind a near-adult full of energy and dreams.”

Lefeng nodded, “It has… been hard. I recently spent a few days on the trail, and it ripped me open to return to the city so soon. But I was doing a favor for our allies. In fact, I was hoping you might have some advice for me.” Then Ey laid out the near-adult SilentSpinner’s situation and the disgraceful conduct of High Mountain.

The TracklessPath grandparents and elders weren’t surprised. “I told the young ones,” one says, “that the HighMountain aren’t far-walkers anymore. They are a hunting family that sometimes takes the trails. Not the same, not the same at all…”

“We’ve had a near-adult from HighMountain coming around recently. Normally we wouldn’t accept a High Mountain, they’ve forgotten too much. But if you met with a long-haired HighMountain with a big chest, pert nose, and too much sass?”

“That sounds like em,” Lefeng agreed.

“Then maybe we’ll tell the near-adults to give em a listen,” the eldest said, “and maybe you can tell this Spinner child to stop by and pay eir respects.”

“Of course, the grandchildren would listen to their parents’ and grandparents’ wisdom,” another says with a wink, “but it’s the grandchildren’s future after all. We can make no promises.”

Lefeng agreed, of course. Ey was getting ready to take eir leave, when one of the grandparents, whose crooked smile and bright eyes reminded Lefeng painfully of eir own grandparent, put a hand on Lefeng’s knee. “My sibling would be proud, distant-child. You’ve survived a grief that would destroy most and made a new life for yourself. But city ways are hard, and no place for a mountain child. If you wish, there can be a place for /you/ here too.”

Lefeng’s breath caught. Ey looked up to hide the tears that tried to fill eir eyes. After a moment, ey gained control of emself and said, “Thank you. I will… I will remember.”

Lefeng left quickly after that.

By then, it was late. But Lefeng couldn’t stand the idea of dragging the matter and its disruptions out another day. Ey told Kyawtchais and eir parent that under no circumstances should they seek a marriage with the HighMountain family. Ey would fear for the safety of Kyawtchais’ sibling if the match were accepted. Lefeng suggested that the SilentSpinner near-adult might do better seeking a match with the TracklessPath family. Ey also let them know that a few of the HighMountain near-adults who spoke well of the SilentSpinner are already doing so.

After leaving the Spinners, having discharged eir last duty, Lefeng wandered the city, not caring where ey went. Ey isn’t seeing the city around em. Ey was seeing the mountain trail with eir family spread out before and behind em. The great spring gathering, when the families came together to feast and sing and court and celebrate being alive. Hearing voices speaking eir dialect, not this harsh city speech that hurt the ears, each person louder than the last to be heard over the noise of their giant hive.

Ey could do it. Could accept the Trackless Path’s invitation, get back… not everything ey had lost to the great wave, but at least part of it, the only part that remained.

But the more ey thought about it, the harder it was to picture. Ey wouldn’t be on the trail with eir family but with strangers. And when ey thought of being in the mountain night, watching the stars, it was Kolchais ey thought of being beside em. And Paiokp’s voice singing that silly fishing song. Tsouchm laughing with that sudden burst that always sounded like ey was surprised to /be/ laughing. Chotaikytsai wearing eir cape, wrapped in the skin of the great cat…

Chestef, holding eir hand as they worked a wattle withe through the posts, building their new home together, just as the farwalker families did each spring…

Without realizing it, eir feet had taken em back to the compound. It was late, Chotaikytsai would have dinner ready, the family would be gathered round the fire… Ey slipped through the gate, closing it quietly behind em. Of course, no one was alert for intruders, ey thought shaking eir head.

Kolchais looked up and smiled as Lefeng squatted down by the fire. Paiokp frowned and said, “Are you okay? You look tired.”

Lefeng took a bite of the flatbread Chotaikytsai handed em and sighed, the once-strange taste was now familiar and comforting after a long day. “It’s good to be home.”

---