Season content notes: (internalized) ableism

After the joy of finding a new trade — a /new/ trade, not just for the family but for the city. For every place Lefeng had traveled and every merchant whom Kyawtchais had watched in the markets. A knot-thing — though Kolchais had decreed they must find a better name for it. After that, Kyawtchais couldn’t bear to return to the Silent Spinner compound. Even when the excitement and talking became too much, ey couldn’t leave. Instead, ey retreated into the season house and emself drifted off dreaming of hills and valleys under eir fingers.

The next morning was clear and bright — hinting at the bright days that would return later in the year. They would need to have a roof on their new house by then. The season home was fine for the rainy season, so long as the lightning poles were in good repair — Kyawtchais was surprised by how fine. But for the bright days, you wanted a thick, layered roof between you and the strange magic of the summer sun.

It was a good day to go to the market and as ey stretched and checked eir spindle, Kyawtchais decided to do just that. It was a bit of normal after the excitement and noise of the night before. And now more than ever the family would need Kyawtchais to know the ebb and flow of the markets, the fabric market especially.

But when ey reached the gate, Kolchais and Lefeng were waiting for em. Kolchais held a skein of yarn. It was nearly impossible to tell one undyed skein from another, especially at a distance, but Kyawtchais knew what it was.

Ey looked around but saw no sign of the silent one. Who still hadn’t gifted Kyawtchais eir name.

But Kolchais smiled at Kyawtchais and waggled the skein at eir. “If you think we are giving this back, you can put that out of your mind right now.” Lefeng snorted and held out both hands. Kyawtchais’ hands wanted to flutter and dance, but ey put them in Lefeng’s hands. The tall one gripped firmly, anchoring Kolchais. “I don’t know city customs, and my… old ways are meaningless here. But if you still want to be part of us, we will be honored to have you.”

Kyawtchais squeezed back, then let go with one hand to reach for Kolchais. With the wise-one and guarding-one holding em, Kyawtchais almost felt like ey could be still for a time.

Almost — it took only a few moments for em to begin bouncing.

But ey couldn’t help looking around again, “Where…”

Kolchais and Lefeng looked at each other and sighed. The wise-one then shook eir head and said, “The three of us talked last night, or… tried to. Ey… ey doesn’t want to be with us.”

“No.” Lefeng growled, “No, that’s not…” Ey dropped Kyawtchais’ hand and rubbed eir face. “Windless days! I can’t… Look, ey needs to show– tell you. There’s… Ugh!”

The tall one was making no sense, which wasn’t like eir. Usually, ey said whatever ey was thinking. Cautiously, Kyawtchais hand-spoke, “You can’t say? It’s… ey has a secret?”

“Yes!” Lefeng said.

Kyawtchais looked at Kolchais and for once understood the emotion on the other’s face. Secrets in a marriage group were… not good. But more, they had thought the caring-one liked them, trusted them. Why else would ey /be/ the caring-one?

Unless ey simply cared for anyone?

“Yes,” Lefeng continued, “It shouldn’t be a secret, but I can’t… Stagnant village superstitions and ey is afraid.”

Ah, that was maybe different. Kyawtchais understood fearing to be too open. If the guardian knew and was not concerned… Kyawtchais shrugged. The silent-one can have eir secrets. Kyawtchais would trust the guarding one that there is no reason to worry.

Of course, Kolchais won’t leave it at that. “But you don’t think it’s important?”

“Of course it’s important!” The sudden yell hurt and Kyawtchais cringed from the pain. Lefeng slapped a hand over eir mouth. “Sorry,” ey hand spoke, “sorry.”

Ey continued using handspeech, and Kyawtchais relaxed knowing the guardian wouldn’t yell again. “It is important, but not bad. In the mountains, ey would be honored, but ey wouldn’t go to the mountains. And ey believes eir village superstitions. How could I, a… a…” Lefeng paused a moment, then said quietly “barbarian.”

Kyawtchais nodded and replied with the hand-speech, “Barbarian.”

Lefeng repeated the word, then continued. “How could a barbarian be expected to understand?”

Kolchais put a hand on Lefeng’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“It didn’t bother me then. I was used to rooted folks calling us barbarians and worse names.”

“You are not barbarian,” Kyawtchais hand-spoke. Ey wasn’t sure what was going on, but ey was sure of that.

Lefeng smiled.

“You are not barbarian. You know this, we know this. The silent one is good for this family. Ey is caring-one, thoughtful-one, gentle-one. We know this. We must make sure ey knows this.”

Kolchais laughed, “You are clear-seeing-one. Yes. Ey is good for us. No matter what this secret of eirs is.

Kyawtchais nodded. “You will be leader.”

Kolchais blinked, eir eyebrows reaching for eir hairline. Kyawtchais thought ey was startled. Then Kolchais looked to Lefeng.

“I’ll be guardian to your trail-finder. You can navigate the currents of town better than I could, and honestly, I’d rather leave the hard choices to someone else. I’ve had enough of them for a while.”

“Alright,” Kolchais took a deep breath, “Alright. I can do this. But I’m not going to be like my once-parent. We all have a voice in decisions, so you’d all better speak up.”

Kyawtchais laughed and signaled the guardian, “We’d need to gag that one to keep em quiet.”

Kolchais reached out and Kyawtchais and Lefeng reached back, clasping hands. “We will do well together.”

On the other side of the compound, Kyawtchais could see the silent-one watching them.

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